Imagination

The reason for me to have that passion for 'the consequence of love' is, it's about imagination.

Imagination is important to men. Otherwise, life is just to live, plain.


That coheres to what I believe.

That's important to have imagination, huh.

And that's important to have some room of imagination in our life

though that's not hard to make that if we can, and willing to, as long as our imagination not yet died or wiped out.


I have special preference to imagine someone who I love, or loved; better those I have no contact with them; better those I encountered them out of this boring town.

Well well well, aki then is a good subject for my imagination.


Stories usually go that way on me. Before I encountered someone new, I always think the ex I've just blown up with is completely a shit; but when I get a new ex, I'll start to think the old ones are not as bad as I thought -- they are much better than the latest one.

So now I have to say I like aki. At least he got a strong character and enough (excess) confidence, which makes me dare to express totally what I think, no need to worry whether my words, which can be mighter than swords, will hurt him or not.

For my latest ex, I really didn't dare to express myself too much -- there're too much I know that he knows little, or even nothing to it -- I chose to pretend I know nothing and not making him feel bad -- but he'd just that a stupid man, even thought me as stupid....what a pig!

Aki is so good then. At least he's much cleverer.

I then started to get to my sensibility on him -- yes, a kind of strange feeling that, he's still admired, but not loved. An individual far away from me. I started my imagination.

He probably managed got his offer for his phD degree, and will start his term soon -- before that, go to hawaii and enjoy his sun and sea -- I know he loves water sports - he must do water ski there.

One day his email stopped. I wasn't really that care of it since they were rare originally. Just a thread of disappointment sparked into my head, but soon it faded away.

Another one day, I got an email from somebody I didn't know -- in it, I was told he got an accident during water ski, a tragedic one.

What kind of feeling I can have? It's not much, not heavy, yet complex. The one I used to be thought of and admired, no longer exists there -- though he wasn't here anymore, for long already. I should feel nothing -- I don't feel really that sad; but I really feel that I've lost something, not something as an object, but something in my soul. Yes, he used to live in my soul, but where should he go now? He's lost in my mind, I made him lost in my mind.


The story get's complicated. It has to be terminated, then. Yet, how's he now -- does he still exist on this world? Does his hands and feet still here? Does he...


Nevertheless, I still reluctant to email him -- just let me have some rooms for imagination. I can wait for his rare emails, the rare the better.



Probably I'll go mad some day, like Nietzsche.